


Guilt

by Luna_Roe



Series: From Heartbreak to Recovery [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Anger, Comfort, F/M, Guilt, Regret, Romance, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 21:38:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16982268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luna_Roe/pseuds/Luna_Roe
Summary: She was a woman scorned. The world had taken her family, and it was too great a price. The world had gone too far. She was on a warpath; one that would end in her death. But why? Why was she so reckless; so willing to die? One fateful night, Hancock found out why.





	Guilt

She was one tough woman. No one could doubt that. Now that he knew what she had been through, he was stunned that anyone would still doubt her abilities. She had overcome unexplainable loss, heartache that should never be allowed to exist, and loneliness of untold proportions. Her auburn hair had been so… tame… the first time he’d seen her. Her green eyes had been so wide, so absorbing. Now? Now she wasn’t so eager to learn of every new thing. Now, she wasn’t as tame as her attire would suggest. Now, she was a loose cannon that would destroy anything that got in her way.

But lately, Hancock saw her turning down a path that was going to get her killed. In the time he had joined her travels, after she returned from her search for her son, they had single handedly taken on any scourge that was dumb enough to walk in her cross-hairs. He didn’t mind, they were helping people, even saving a few along the way.

Yet, as they made camp for the night out in the hills of the Commonwealth, Hancock could tell that the Sole Survivor seemed unhappy. She had been getting more brazen and callous as the days went on. It was as if she wanted to die.

They hadn’t ever spoken on what they were to each other. Sure, they’d slept together on occasion. And yeah, he was there every time she wanted to fuck. They never made anything official, and to be honest, he had been afraid of it. He was afraid he wasn’t the settling down type. It had relieved him, initially that she didn’t seem interested in that either. Yet, as he watched her slow transformation as of late, he couldn’t help but hurt that she would seem to prefer death to living with him.

He knew the memories that haunted her. She had told him everything the morning after they first slept together. He normally wasn’t one for pillow-talk, but she needed it. Boy, had she needed it. So, he had listened. It broke his heart to know that she endured such trials alone.

Auburn hair splayed out as the figure before him rested her head on her bag. She was so beautiful, even while they were out traveling. She was strong and resourceful. She was everything that Hancock was attracted to, even down to the way she sauntered when she knew he was looking. She drove him mad, and he was positive she knew it.

“I can feel you staring.” Came a blunt voice.

He stiffened for a second before replying to the woman across him, “You’ve got me worried.” He wasn’t sure what her reaction was, since she had her back facing him. But oh, how he wished he could see her reaction. He wanted to gage how well this conversation would go. “You’ve been taking needless risks lately.”

She sighed, still not turning to look at him, “I know.”

He nodded his head, more for himself than her, “So, you gonna explain why?”

She sighed again, this time turning enough to peek at him over her shoulder. Her eyes were hollow, like they got when she was remembering the past, “I don’t owe you an explanation, John. You’re not my husband.” With that, she turned back away from him.

He was hurt. No, he wasn’t her husband. But he _was_ her partner. They were traveling together, and damnit, he deserved to know if they were on a suicide mission or not! He couldn’t hold it back anymore, he jumped to his feet, closed the gap between them, and pried her up off the ground, “I got a right to know if we’re only doing all this so you can get yourself killed, damnit!”

Her eyes were shocked, truly shocked. He had never been rough with her like that. Not even when they were high off their asses and fucking like teenagers in an alley. He had never manhandled her like that. But it had the desired effect. She started to talk.

“And what if that’s it? What if the whole point of ridding the Commonwealth of filth is to find a match I can’t win? What if I want to die?!” Her eyes held rage and profound sadness all at the same time. Her hair had fallen down, covering her face, but he could see the tears start to pool in those emerald orbs.

It was his turn to sigh, “I’d tell you I’m still in. I told you, you’re the best thing to ever have happened to me. I don’t want to lose you. I’ll keep you around for as long as I’m able.” He paused, pulling her in to his body, hugging her tightly, “But if that’s what you actually want, I’m still in.”

She broke at the end of his final word. Tears shed for all the moments she had stifled her cries. Every single time she had missed her husband or son and refused to let herself grieve, it all came pouring out. He didn’t mind. He had found the one person that was worth living for. He would hold her, calm her, comfort her, protect her, he would be whatever she needed him to be. He would do whatever she needed him to do. He was all in, and he would make sure she knew that.

She finally cried herself out and fell asleep. Though it was a fitful slumber. She would wake up at the snap of a twig or the blowing of the breeze. At one point she just laid her head on his lap and whispered, “I miss him, John…”

He hummed, letting her know he had heard her. But what he heard next from her gave him the most conflicting feelings possible.

“But then I feel guilty… because if I still had Nate, I wouldn’t have you.” Her whisper reached his ears, sending him in to a frozen state of shock.

He smirked, more to himself than her. There he was, gorgeous woman laying in his lap, and she was talking about the guilt she felt for caring about another man. He had seen it, on the rare occasions they would go to Sanctuary. She would look forlornly up the hill that lead to Vault 111, the final resting place of her late husband. She avoided Sanctuary for the very reason. The closer she was to that Vault, the further she was from him. She hadn’t allowed herself to accept that she could care for someone else in the same way she had cared for her husband.

Holding on her he finally replied, “It’s okay to miss him, darling. It’s okay to love him.” He tucked a stray strand of auburn hair behind her ear as he continued, “It’s okay to love two men at the same time.”

~~


End file.
